Category Archives: Relationship

Meet Mr Manners Thomas Farley- Celebrity Snapshot with Harvey Helms

                                                   Meet Mister  Manners Thomas Farley

Whenever I have a question about etiquette or the right thing to do in a sticky situation, I always reach out to my friend Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley. He’s one of the nation’s best-known arbiters on matters of contemporary behavior. As a speaker and workshop leader, he works with companies to help their employees achieve greater levels of understanding and communication in the workplace. As a regular guest on the NBC Today show, among other media outlets, he speaks to TV audiences on issues of common consideration and modern-day manners. On top of that, he’s kind, fun and super adorable!! Need advice? Check him out at www.whatmannersmost.com and follow him on FacebookInstagram and Twitter.

Mr. Farley was nice enough to help me with some of my biggest issues! Applying makeup in public, trolling on the internet, and of course his fav beauty tip for fabulous hair!

Here’s his 5 in 5 Celebrity Snapshot!

  1. Where does your passion for etiquette & manners come from?

Growing up in a family of six, consideration and respect were essential means of keeping the peace. Not that my siblings and I were perfect, but “please” and “thank you” were encouraged, while phrases such as “shut-up” were outright banned. Nightly family dinners were a requisite part of life, as were lively conversation and storytelling. Toss in my sixteen years of Catholic schooling (most of that time spent wearing a necktie) and you have the basis for my career today, one dedicated to advocating thoughtfulness and getting along.

  1. What do you think about women who apply their lipstick in public? Like at a dinner table in a restaurant? On the subway?

I believe it’s important for both men and women to be ready to take on the world before they open their front door to start their day. That means setting aside the time to complete one’s skincare, hair and beauty routine at home. I don’t take issue with someone who needs to reapply a bit of lipstick in public—as long as it’s not during a meeting or over a meal. Makeup should never make an appearance when food is present. But lipstick is where I draw the line….applying eye-liner, blush or mascara out in the open is a definite no-no. More than anything, it presents you as disorganized and unprepared. If your make-up needs a pick-me-up, head to the rest room to do so.

  1. In this day of social media trolling- Any advice on how to handle haters?

Cultivate real, in-person friendships that nurture your sense of self. Pay less attention to how many likes your posts get or how many ill-willed comments strangers hurl your way. Those are people who clearly have nothing better to do, and I genuinely feel sorry for them.

  1. What is the biggest etiquette faux pas that you see in your everyday world? What should people do to change it?

As a daily rider of the New York City subway system, I think it’s a case study in how etiquette is pushed to the brink when we are stressed or placed in uncomfortable situations. Behavior of otherwise good people can turn quickly selfish, with actions such as pushing to get on, shoving to get off, playing overly loud music, cursing, blocking doors, manspreading, staring, not giving up one’s seat to someone who might need it more than you… and yes, putting on full makeup. And yet, I have also witnessed some of the nicest interactions you can imagine on subways: locals giving tourists sightseeing advice, young children offering a seat to someone who is elderly, people keeping their cool and offering help when a fellow passenger falls into them if the train has jerked to an unexpected stop. It’s a reminder to me that even in the least pleasant of situations, patience and common courtesy make such a difference. Being rude and getting angry is no path to feeling at peace.

  1. With the fabulous head of hair you have- And I know that you NEVER kiss & tell- But will you share your secret beauty tip that keeps it so handsome?

Awwww, thank you, Harvey! As anyone with curly hair will tell you, it can be a blessing and a curse. Walk outside on a super-windy day and suddenly your well-styled coif looks like an out-of-control ’fro. Manageability is always an issue with curly hair. I think that’s the reason so many men opt keep their wavy hair short and why so many women live for their blowouts. But with the right haircut—I go to Devachan, in New York, which cuts only curly hair—the right products (I like Shea Moisture’s Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Style Milk), and a bit of practice and patience, a head of curly hair can go from looking like a mop to looking like a million. (Most days anyway.) And on the days when it doesn’t, you just have to embrace that day’s look, and hope others will too!

Good advice indeed! Until next time! Be kind to each other!

Xo

Harvey

                                       Celebrity Snap Shot by Harvey Helms

 

 

What’s Your Take? (Responsive Question) — Millionaire’s Digest

Question: Does Money Buy Happiness…? Our Take: “Most people will instantly think no but it’s a much harder question than that. We believe it really depends on who you really are. For example, let’s say happiness for you is paying money to not watch someone suffer through hard times. Now you can make a lot of money and hate all […]

via What’s Your Take? (Responsive Question) — Millionaire’s Digest

Celebrity Snapshot-Vicki Abelson

CELEBRITY SNAPSHOT

WITH

HARVEY HELMS

Welcome to my very first edition of CELEBRITY SNAPSHOT! 5 questions in 5 minutes that give you a deeper look at some of our favorite celebrities and what’s on their minds.

Who did I choose as my first interview? A woman who makes me laugh, think, love, and care all in the same moment. She’s the deliciously complicated mother, bestselling author, performer, producer, promoter, and talk show host, Vicki Abelson


For the past eight years, Vicki has been presenting the crème de la crème of the music and literary worlds at her celebrity-driven literary salon, Vicki Abelson’s Women Who Write. This is where she and I hooked up with my first book BLUSH: THE UNBELIEVABLY ABSURD DIARY OF A GAY BEAUTY JUNKIE! Her other guests are a “who’s who” of Hollywood: Norman Lear, Cloris Leachman, Michael Imperioli, Jackie Collins, Kevin Pollak, Ed Asner, Valerie Harper, Marilu Henner, Paul Williams, Mike Nesmith and Micky Dolenz to name but a few. I could name drop endlessly. She knows everybody! Her first book, five-star Amazon Bestseller, Don’t Jump: Sex, Drugs, Rock ‘N Roll…And My Fucking Mother, published by Carl Reiner’s Random Content, made the San Diego Book Review’s Best of 2015, was named One of the 7 Best Books By Or About Women, and #1 Best Summer Read 2016 by Amazon. Need a fab read? Get it immediately! Her weekly podcast, Vicki Abelson’s BROADcast: The Road Taken, can be heard on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher and tunein. She’s so busy but I was lucky to get a few precious moments with this smart glamazon!

So here you go! Meet Vicki Abelson with her 5 in 5!

Vicki! What’s your fav thing about being a woman?

For me, it’s the permission to be sensitive, empathetic and openly express my emotions. I mean look at men, STILL, in 2017! We judge them if they cry. We’re given permission, and men are stuck.

What about the ongoing gender equality issues with women & Hollywood?

First, I’m all over Meryl Streep and her Golden Globes moment. I was so impressed and moved by her. Women & Hollywood continues to be interesting. Older male actors get sexier. We accept older men in leading romantic roles, but female actresses as they age go from romantic lead to playing someone’s mother and that’s if she’s lucky. And, there are less parts and more women competing for the roles. Stricter image criteria then men? Weight? Wrinkles? The double standard alive and well.

One show I’ve seen that’s doing a good job in this area is called “This Is Us”. One of the leads in the ensemble, Chrissy Metz, isn’t just a little heavy, she’s obese. She’s beautiful, and, having a sexy life. It’s thrilling to see this character struggling while living a funny and beautifully romantic story line. This gives me hope for the future.

Gender equality. What’s next?

Is it still about women’s rights? What antiquated thinking. Lines are getting blurred-more gender fluidity. Are we women? Men? Trans? We’re human!! A woman did run for President, and the show Transparent seems to be breaking down some walls, but women are still paid less than men for the same jobs.

Who’s your hero?

Hilary Clinton’s my hero. She’s spent almost her entire life in public service. I can’t believe how many times she’s been kicked to the curb but rises- brushes herself off- and keeps fighting. Brilliant, qualified and hardworking, is she warm and cuddly? No. Is she flawed? Yes. But aren’t we all?

What’s next for you?

I’m aspiring to broader platforms for my creative projects. My manager is about to shop Don’t Jump for episodic TV. Netflix, HBO or Showtime would work nicely. Don’t cha think? My Podcast? Bigger platform like NPR. The new Fresh Air? I love interviewing celebrities about their journey. Firstly, I’m a fan girl. But, I’m also fascinated with how they managed to break through and be successful. How they merged creativity and commerce. I find they always have a tool, or tools, which guide their path. I learn from them where to refocus. I hope my listeners do, too. Sharing what I learn is one of my greatest joys. And, then there’s simply the fact they have “it”- that indefinable something which makes them irresistible. I want to be around them, dammit, don’t you?

Vicki! You’re fabulous. You know I’m a beauty junkie. Any tip you want to share about staying gorgeous?

Crest White Strips! I smoked for years and these little strip miracles took that damage and years off me. Not that fake too white look, rather, a natural, whiter smile. It’s made me more comfortable with myself in life, and in photos.

You will fall in love with Vicki. My life is better just knowing her.

Check out all things Vicki Abelson at the link below! You’ll be glad you did!

http://www.vickiabelson.com/

Stay fabulous till next time gorgeous!

xo

Harvey

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2017 – THE STOP IT LIST

 

2016 Goodbye. What a year. Some good. Some bad. Some unpredicted election results and deaths of some of our most treasured icons. It was a year that forced all of us out of our respective “Closets” as it were. Liberals, bigots, racists really we got to see each others true feelings. Everyone had an opinion about everything and social media became the main venting place for all to let each other have it. Facebook had a record number of unfriending and blocking situations that I’m sure mark Zuckerberg didn’t see coming.

SO 2017. Let’s turn the page and take a step forward into what I hope we be a more collaborative vs dividing year. With that said, I thought I’d begin a new tradition of creating a “Stop It” list. You may want to create one as well. This list allows me my last vent for 2016 about things I want people to stop doing. Not that they will stop but just saying it makes me feel better. If you disagree with my list, then make your own and post it.

It’s like good therapy.

HARVEY’S 2017 STOP IT LIST

  1. STOP OVER EXFOLIATING YOUR FACES! Too much of a good thing like scrubs, peels, retinol, any of the cosmetic acids, Clarisonic brushes, buff puffs, enzymes, and micro daily whatchamacallits are making everyone look dehydrated and making the incidents of rosacea and adult acne go through the roof. So stop it. Use these a few days a week vs everyday please.
  2. STOP OVER DRAWING YOUR EYEBROWS! I like an enhanced natural brow but come on! Those big brunette comas your placing above your eye area because some inexperienced beauty blogger told you to? No. Stop it.
  3. STOP BUYING/WEARING THOSE CONTOUR/HIGHLIGHT KITS! Regular people do not need these for daytime real life looks. If you have your own Net Flix series, then you can keep doing it. If not? Stop It!
  4. STOP ASKING PEOPLE TO CUT, COPY, OR PASTE SOMETHING RIDICULOUS ON FACEBOOK. No. We don’t have time. Period. Stop It!
  5. STOP SAYING/TELLING PEOPLE HOW BLESSED YOU ARE. This should be self explanatory. If you don’t understand, well, perhaps you may have a little problem in this area. Stop it.

Well I feel better. Please let me know your TOP 5 Stop It’s to begin 2017! But just don’t ask me to copy and paste it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

XO

HARVEY

XO Elizabeth

As your Cyber Main Gay I’ve loved many fabulous actresses in my life.  My love affair with Barbara Streisand started the first time I saw “Funny Girl!”  Bette Davis?  “All About Eve. ” Joan Crawford?  “Mildred Pierce. ” Judy Garland?  “The Wizard of Oz.”  Rosalind Russell?  “Auntie Mame.” And finally as we say goodbye to the most beautiful violet eyes ever created-Elizabeth Taylor in “Giant.” I wanted to wait a respectful few days to say farewell to Elizabeth. Gay men take their screen love affairs with actresses very seriously.

Now of course I’ve seen all of her films.   When I first saw her in the fabulous 1944 “National Velvet”, I wondered “Did she know she would be one of the world’s greatest stars?  How could she not with that face? ” Plus the fact that I cried like a big gay baby after viewing it! Elizabeth was known to say “I prefer animals to people.”  Lucky that her two first leading men were a dog and a horse.  She was also the original in “Lassie Come Home!” “Butterfield 8” that had Elizabeth playing a call girl won her an Academy Award.  “Cleopatra”, where she fell in love and eventually married Richard Burton.  They really were the Brangelina of their day! Quite a scandal!  “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?  Loved it because it was like watching my parents marriage. Passionate and brutal.  I thought Elizabeth would understand my  life after seeing that movie! “A Place in the Sun” with Montgomery Cliff” and “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” with Paul Newman.  Two of the hottest leading men ever! My favorite though is “Giant”.  An epic, that in my opinion was the precursor to the “Dallas” and Dynasty” Tv shows!  Plus yummy Rock Hudson and smouldering James Dean? I’ve seen it a million times!  Of course I have to mention the 8 husbands.  Not going to go through all of them!  A girl is allowed to make a few bad choices you know!  My favorites are of course Richard Burton who was sexy beyond belief, and the man who gave her the incredible jewels!  Mike Todd, who was killed in plane crash a year after their marriage.  Elizabeth was supposed to be on that flight but fell ill suddenly. Mike told her she better stay and rest.  She loved him. Tragic.  Ultimately though, after a historic career, Elizabeth Taylor will be known as one of the greatest crusaders in the fight against AIDS!  She co-founded the American Foundation for AIDS Research[amFAR] which has raised more than 465 million dollars for AIDS research and treatment.  Later she started her own Elizabeth Taylor Aids Foundation. She was courageous in the beginning when no star wanted to touch the issue.  She ran to her Giant costar’s side when Rock Hudson was outted with the disease. She always seemed fearless.  Thanks for that Elizabeth!  As we say goodbye, the beauty junkie in me has to mention her top selling fragrances Pasiion and White Diamonds.  Funny that these sum her up in such a beautiful way. The most beautiful, passionate woman who was  as clear and bright as a perfect diamond.  Elizabeth Taylor  truly is Hollywood’s Last Great Star.

Rest in peace,

xo

Harvey

Is the clutter in your life making you fat? Do you face your stuff or stuff your face? Find out!

 

Hi Ladies! So your Cyber Main Gay has been very busy with the NEW “ASK HARVEY” advice column for Betty. Look for the first video installment next week! Thanks for all the facebook messages and twitter drama! So many questions to choose from. I’ll try to get to them all. In the mean time, I’ve come across a new idea about losing weight. Like many of you, I’ve tried every diet on the market. I’ve decided that beauty is not a number. Not your age or dress size. It’s about finding a healthy weight and a radiant complexion!

 

While pondering this question, I was so fortunate to meet Dorothy Breininger, one of  the expert organizers on A&E’s Emmy-nominated TV series “Hoarders,” and discover her new book, STUFF YOUR FACE OR FACE YOUR STUFF: The Organized Approach to Lose Weight by Decluttering Your Life which just hit May 7th.
Dorothy recently lost 75lbs. Her new book focuses on getting healthy via the same de-cluttering and organizing mindset she brings to her work with clients and on the show. Dorothy talks about her journey a bit in this wonderful book trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aTgN1clkME
Here is a bit more about Dorothy’s story:

As one of the stars of a successful TV show, a three-time recipient of NAPO’s “Most Innovative Organizer Award” and a high-energy, sought-after national speaker, Dorothy Breininger’s career was soaring. Yet underneath her sunny disposition Dorothy carried around a secret shame of her own–food addiction. It wasn’t until the third season of “Hoarders” as she was talking to people with hoarding issues that she had an epiphany. Just as these people were buying, collecting, and hoarding stuff to fill a void, lessen anxiety, and reconnect with happier times in life–so was she. But instead of hoarding possessions Dorothy was hoarding fat on her body and it was making her very unhappy. It wasn’t until she realized that she had to tackle her demons head-on that Dorothy learned to face her own clutter, and lost 75 pounds in the process.

 

Pretty amazing! My big gay life is full of over whelming clutter! Dorothy helped me see my clutter has categories- Emotional, Physical and Environmental clutter. Who knew? Stack of unpaid bills? Clothes everywhere? Toxic relationship[s]? Sound familiar? In the US, dieting is going down and weight is going up. Are we all so stressed and overwhelmed?I know for myself that a box of Chees-Its is constantly calling my name. Moderation is obviously not my middle name!

 

Check out Dorothy’s book and see if it applies to you! If not you, we all have girlfriends with clutter drama! I did and I’m glad to say that I’ve lost 28 pounds. The funny thing is that I’m finding more happiness too. Thanks Dorothy!

 

Look for ASK HARVEY next week!

xo

Harvey

I’m Sick Of Farmville! Facebook Annoyances That Might Make You “Unfriend!”

Rseau social, style tag

Okay girls! Put on your big girl panties for this one! I’m just like you in the mornings  looking at Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Google+ while sipping a delicious cup of coffee sweetened with International Delights French Vanilla. Sugar-Free of course!  Recently though, as I open up Facebook, I’ve been seeing  20 posts in a row that say “Please Help! I only need one more pig to be the King of Farmvile.” Really? 20 posts? Now I’m not against gaming and I will be publishing a column about women and gaming soon! I personally like the game Cat Shot! But I don’t post about it on Facebook. I’m confused by this recent phenomena!  Navigating Social media is definitely interesting. What to post? How many posts? Is it a personal forum to let people who annoy us have it? I ask myself the same questions as I post! What info do I think is useful or entertaining? Recognizing special people that have made a difference? Do I need to let everyone know “Where I’ve checked in?” I think that’s scary. Also some mornings as I read the ranting’s and ravings of certain friends I wonder if they need to put the bottle of Chardonnay away before they post embarrassing comments, or worse pictures that are not seen in the best of light. I’ve had to call friends and have them remove pic’s of clients in questionable positions!  Do you have friends who you think need a Facebook intervention?  My personal belief is that all of us are in an incredible learning curve with the many social media outlets we have at our disposal.  With the onset of “Instant Celebrity” and Reality TV, when did TMI become acceptable?  No answers here just posing the questions. I know the things that work my last gay nerve and wonder how it’s effecting you! Two Brainiac, Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, from a blog called “Stuff Hipsters Hate” recently posted on CNN with the topic ” Annoying Us On Facebook?” Here’s the hipster take on the issue with the 5 biggest annoyances:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/21/tech/social-media/facebook-subscribe-feed-netiquette/index.html

 

 

  1. MUSINGS ABOUT THE WEATHER– “OMG the snow!” “It’s raining cats and dogs!” I guess these two feel the weather forecast is boring? Maybe? I was always taught that you speak about the weather to make polite conversation when you don’t know what to speak about. Maybe our shy friends are just getting started?

 

  1. PASSIVE/AGRESSIVE COMMENTS– “I’m not naming names but……..” Letting your friends have it in this forum is not something you’ll easily live down. You might want to consider making a phone call instead of posting.

 

  1. RANTS– Same as # 2 BUT these are larger with political commentary, religious beliefs, and other information that used to be labeled “Personal”. You might want to consider that the world is looking at your posts. Or at least bosses or future employers might be taking a peek. Remember that today when you apply for a job, most employers will Google your name to see what comes up. Your sex video may not be the best reference.

 

  1. OVERSHARING– If it takes more than a small paragraph you might want to consider writing your first novel. You obviously have a lot to say!

 

  1. CLICHES– ” I love my life!” Or any other Forrest Gump “Life is like a box of chocolates” stuff. Not too bad if used sparingly but only works every day if you’re Eckhart Tolle or Oprah.

 

Well, we’ll all keep trying to understand this medium the more we work with it.

 

Oh, by the way, the weather is gorgeous here in California and my girlfriend was an hour late to lunch, and I hate world hunger, but my life is like a unicorn in an enchanted forest!

 

We’ll keep trying!

xo

Harvey