Tag Archives: Beauty

Meet Mr Manners Thomas Farley- Celebrity Snapshot with Harvey Helms

                                                   Meet Mister  Manners Thomas Farley

Whenever I have a question about etiquette or the right thing to do in a sticky situation, I always reach out to my friend Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley. He’s one of the nation’s best-known arbiters on matters of contemporary behavior. As a speaker and workshop leader, he works with companies to help their employees achieve greater levels of understanding and communication in the workplace. As a regular guest on the NBC Today show, among other media outlets, he speaks to TV audiences on issues of common consideration and modern-day manners. On top of that, he’s kind, fun and super adorable!! Need advice? Check him out at www.whatmannersmost.com and follow him on FacebookInstagram and Twitter.

Mr. Farley was nice enough to help me with some of my biggest issues! Applying makeup in public, trolling on the internet, and of course his fav beauty tip for fabulous hair!

Here’s his 5 in 5 Celebrity Snapshot!

  1. Where does your passion for etiquette & manners come from?

Growing up in a family of six, consideration and respect were essential means of keeping the peace. Not that my siblings and I were perfect, but “please” and “thank you” were encouraged, while phrases such as “shut-up” were outright banned. Nightly family dinners were a requisite part of life, as were lively conversation and storytelling. Toss in my sixteen years of Catholic schooling (most of that time spent wearing a necktie) and you have the basis for my career today, one dedicated to advocating thoughtfulness and getting along.

  1. What do you think about women who apply their lipstick in public? Like at a dinner table in a restaurant? On the subway?

I believe it’s important for both men and women to be ready to take on the world before they open their front door to start their day. That means setting aside the time to complete one’s skincare, hair and beauty routine at home. I don’t take issue with someone who needs to reapply a bit of lipstick in public—as long as it’s not during a meeting or over a meal. Makeup should never make an appearance when food is present. But lipstick is where I draw the line….applying eye-liner, blush or mascara out in the open is a definite no-no. More than anything, it presents you as disorganized and unprepared. If your make-up needs a pick-me-up, head to the rest room to do so.

  1. In this day of social media trolling- Any advice on how to handle haters?

Cultivate real, in-person friendships that nurture your sense of self. Pay less attention to how many likes your posts get or how many ill-willed comments strangers hurl your way. Those are people who clearly have nothing better to do, and I genuinely feel sorry for them.

  1. What is the biggest etiquette faux pas that you see in your everyday world? What should people do to change it?

As a daily rider of the New York City subway system, I think it’s a case study in how etiquette is pushed to the brink when we are stressed or placed in uncomfortable situations. Behavior of otherwise good people can turn quickly selfish, with actions such as pushing to get on, shoving to get off, playing overly loud music, cursing, blocking doors, manspreading, staring, not giving up one’s seat to someone who might need it more than you… and yes, putting on full makeup. And yet, I have also witnessed some of the nicest interactions you can imagine on subways: locals giving tourists sightseeing advice, young children offering a seat to someone who is elderly, people keeping their cool and offering help when a fellow passenger falls into them if the train has jerked to an unexpected stop. It’s a reminder to me that even in the least pleasant of situations, patience and common courtesy make such a difference. Being rude and getting angry is no path to feeling at peace.

  1. With the fabulous head of hair you have- And I know that you NEVER kiss & tell- But will you share your secret beauty tip that keeps it so handsome?

Awwww, thank you, Harvey! As anyone with curly hair will tell you, it can be a blessing and a curse. Walk outside on a super-windy day and suddenly your well-styled coif looks like an out-of-control ’fro. Manageability is always an issue with curly hair. I think that’s the reason so many men opt keep their wavy hair short and why so many women live for their blowouts. But with the right haircut—I go to Devachan, in New York, which cuts only curly hair—the right products (I like Shea Moisture’s Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Style Milk), and a bit of practice and patience, a head of curly hair can go from looking like a mop to looking like a million. (Most days anyway.) And on the days when it doesn’t, you just have to embrace that day’s look, and hope others will too!

Good advice indeed! Until next time! Be kind to each other!



                                       Celebrity Snap Shot by Harvey Helms



Harvey Writes a Book!


Well Ladies, finally after 4 years of  blood, sweat, tears, boxes of Wheat Thins, and gobs of waterproof mascara, my book is finally launching! “blush: the unbelievably absurd diary of a gay beauty junkie” is now available! http://www.amazon.com/blush-unbelievably-absurd-beautyjunkie/dp/1477508813

In my next column I’ll give you all the dish on the book! But first girls, grab your favorite cocktail and read this! Oh, if you haven’t heard, check out SKINNY GIRL! Fab line of cocktails and wine that won’t make you calorie guilty!

So, I’m at a cocktail party with fabulous girls, where you know I get all my best ideas, and a woman with a dirty martini in hand says to me, “Congratulations on your book! You know Harvey, I think I should write a book about my life because it’s probably as twisted as yours!” In that moment I went into a magical dream sequence! You know when that happens on TV and the screen goes wavey and there’s some musical interlude that lets you know we’re leaving the present to venture to the unknown? The Twilight Zone?

I’m suddenly transported to New York City, sitting, looking out of my apartment window, typing away on my laptop about She Dragons, Man Drama and Lipstick. Yes ladies, I’ve now become “Harvey Bradshaw”, aka the “Gay Carrie Bradshaw” from Sex and the City! I adore Sara  Jessica Parker! Look at me! I immediately want to call Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda to meet for Cosmopolitans but I’m snapped back to the moment by the same  woman snapping her fingers in front of my face, asking  “HARVEY? WHERE ARE YOU??? I have a fashion emergency and I need your advice! What’s your favorite body smoother? Spanx or Yummy Tummy?”

In the cab going home I start to channel Carrie Bradshaw again. You know when she types the question into her laptop that lets us know what the Sex and the City episode will be about? Well the question I typed in my mind was “If we all think that our life would make a great story, how do I write and publish a book?” After my 4 year adventure I can now give you some shortcuts. First let me say that it’s not the way you imagine it! So Gorgeous, with the millions of fab women I know, I bet you might be asking the same question! Since your Cyber Main Gay always wants to help you with any or all of your endeavors, let me give you a short cut based on my experience!


  1. The only way you can write a book is to sit down at your computer and write! I know that might sound strange but you have to physically sit down every day and write. Schedule your writing time the way you do everything else in your life! I joined a Library so that I could have a place to go to make me more accountable. This is where Carrie Bradshaw and I differ. If I’m at home, I’ll do everything thing else to avoid writing. Plus the potato chips are more easily accessible in the kitchen cabinet when I’m at home. The library doesn’t like all that crunching so it saved my waistline!
  1. Don’t edit until you’ve finished telling the story! Whether you are producing nonfiction memoir based writing as I have or an incredible fiction piece you dreamed up in your mind! Finish telling the whole story and produce version 1 of your manuscript! Trust me on this! My book took 22 versions before it was finally published! The writing process will require editing later by a professional who can see your manuscript with fresh eyes! I have a friend who’s been working on the same book for 12 years! Save yourself the stress.

3.Research and decide how you want to publish your manuscript! I saved this till number three because I want you to use all of your creative energy writing. It’s not easy and you have to stay focused and persevere! Now that you have produced your first manuscript it time to think about how to get it out there. Don’t be afraid! The big question is “Do I write a book proposal, find a Literary Agent, and have them submit to publishers? OR Do I self-publish? My advice is to pursue both. You never know! I was beyond lucky because I met Jillian Manus, who owns her own Literary agency, at a Charity gala she was hosting that I was covering for Betty Confidential! With her amazing guidance, we decided that I should self-publish because of the time it takes to get a book to market! Unless your Lady Gaga! Although publishers were interested I didn’t want to wait 18 months! It’s a personal decision. Here’s a link to Jillian’s site that is packed full of info on agents, book proposals and everything publishing to help  you  make the right decision for your manuscript! Also, a link on how to self-publish as I did so you can get started!



  1. Create a platform for yourself starting today! Whether you decide to go the traditional route or self-publishing you have to promote yourself! Publishers first question will be “How many books could be sold today if we publish it?” Start a blog! Blog about you and your subject! I thank my lucky gay stars for Betty Confidential! Create your own web site! It’s easier and more affordable than you think! Social media is critical to your success! Facebook will change from the place of seeing your crazy cat pics to a place where people can connect to find out what you’re doing and hopefully build interest in your book. Sign up for all things social media! Especially Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and google +. You must have a way to get your book out there!
  1. Realize that if you’re writing and publishing a book, then everyone you know is doing it too through you! This journey is personal and full of unknowns! This will be all you will think and speak about for quite a while! Your friends and family will be on this roller coaster with you so please try to remember that they are not doing this. You are. Without Jason, Kathy, Kaycee, Andy,Allyson, Diana,Michealene, Rich, PJ, April, Deborah, Shaun, Norma, Philip, Stephanie, Oreo the wonder dog and a host of other special angels I couldn’t have done this. When things get crazy…and they will….know that their friendships are the most important thing you have.

Okay gorgeous! Get writing. Look for my next column on my juicy book next week! It’s the perfect hot summer read!!!

See you at the book club!